


Deja Vu

by hannahfanficrobron



Series: Family Life [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Drama, Family, Fire, Gen, M/M, family life, fathers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7828867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahfanficrobron/pseuds/hannahfanficrobron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benjamin Sugden is now a teenager, and it was never going to be easy for Aaron and Robert to deal with. Ben gets involved in something he really shouldn't, and it has consequences. Now complete</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Readers seemed really keen for a multi chapter fic about Ben as a teenager, so drama is coming... it is soap land after all!

 

Robert can smell it long before he sees it, the scent of fire, the ash in the air, the acrid tang of burning plastic hitting the back of his throat. Then the smoke hazes his vision slightly, and he knows deep in his soul that this could be the worst day of his life. It’s the shock of white hot fear in his stomach that he can’t even give a reason for, but he knows. Aaron grips his hand, the tightness an anchor to reality as they lock eyes, the fear so clear and potent between them. They let go of their hands, jogging up the farm track to see the barn on fire. It’s well and truly caught hold, the flames so hot even as the smoke surrounds them. Robert is shocked into motionlessness. He simply stares at the farm building he knows his son is in.

A fire ruined his life once before, so many, many years ago. And now it’s happening again. Robert knew better than most… people die in fires. He’s still staring at the flames, lost between his past and the present when Aaron moves first, running into the burning building. Robert knows why, to save their child and he has exactly the same urge, he’s only two seconds behind him. But his slower reaction, thinking about his mothers death means that someone has the time to grab him, to stop him.

“No, let me go!” Robert screams in a voice that isn’t his own, so desperate to get to Ben. He needs to have his son safely in his arms, away from the heat, the danger and crackling wood he can hear disintegrating.

“Yeah, right,” a familiar voice says. Cain. He might be getting on a bit, but he’s still strong enough to hold him back as Robert struggles. He has to get to that building where his husband and son are. “You can’t do anything, leave it to the firemen.” It’s the first time Robert’s even paid attention to anything but the building in front of him. There’s a crowd of villagers, and a fire engine, dealing ineffectually with the blaze.

“I have to go after him. Both of them!”

“Aaron’d kill me if I let you,” Cain says, breathless with the effort of holding Robert to the ground, stopping him from doing anything stupid. “He’ll get Ben out, you know he will.” It’s only the salt on Robert’s lips that makes him aware he’s even crying. The fight has completely gone out of him, realising that they’re not going to let him go to his family. The bang makes the surrounding villagers gasp, as the roof of the barn completely collapses, being swallowed by the flames. Neither Aaron nor Ben have appeared, still trapped in the fireball that Robert will see behind his eyelids for the rest of his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter, I'm going back two weeks, to detail how they got into this situation in the first place. I'd love to know what you think! Thanks for reading this far, and keep the faith! x


	2. 2 Weeks Earlier

_**Two weeks earlier.** _

Ben stood in the kitchen, rubbing his face as he tried to wake up, grabbing some orange juice from the fridge. It was still early, early enough that he might just get away with it. Laura was still asleep, and he was hoping dearly that he could get her out of the house before either of his parents woke up. The creak on the stairs let him know he’d run out of time. He recognised Aaron’s heavy tread on the stairs instantly. Ah.

“Morning,” Aaron grumbled, going straight to the kettle to make himself a cup of tea. He was closely followed by Robert, fiddling with his watch strap.

“Right, um…” Ben started. “Look, I don’t want an argument but, I’ve got to tell you something.”

“Already?” Robert asked. “A bit early for heavy discussions isn’t it?”

“Um…” Ben didn’t know where to start, and then it was too late, lighter padding steps on the stairs this time, making both Aaron and Robert turn in surprise.

“Oh,” a tiny blonde girl said, eyes flitting between the three of them. “I didn’t know… anyone was up. I should go.” She held her jacket to her like a shield and Robert noticed that her hair could definitely do with a brush through it. “Bye,” she said to Ben, kissing his cheek before leaving through the front door.

“You want to explain?” Aaron asked, the first thing said into the very loud silence.

“No, not really,” Ben said succinctly, finishing his orange juice.

“Ben…” Aaron said, a warning in his voice.

“Were you safe?” Robert asked bluntly.

“No,” Ben said. They looked at him in horror. “No! I mean… we didn’t do that!” he added as both Aaron and Robert kept looking at him like he’d completely lost his mind, on the verge of shouting at him. “We can spend the night in the same bed without having sex, you know.”

“Benjamin…” Robert said warningly.

“Yeah, I know I should have asked before she stayed over… but it kind of just happened,” Ben said with a shrug.

“Your father knows exactly what that’s like,” Aaron said, grinning at Robert. “Things just happen around the Sugden’s don’t they?”

“Watch it,” Robert warned, waving a teaspoon threateningly at his husband. Ben laughed at the glaring between the pair of them, then bit his bottom lip hard to stop. Robert dropped the spoon back in his coffee and looked at Ben. “Do we have to have a conversation?”

“No,” Ben said firmly as Aaron managed to slide out of the room, avoiding the awkwardness. Robert narrowed his eyes at the space Aaron had left, he’d get him back for this later. “Look, I’m not an idiot,” Ben said. “It got later than we thought, she slept over. That. Is. All.” Robert still stared at him. “Okay, would you prefer me to kick a sixteen year old girl out into the cold dark night after midnight, to walk nearly a mile through the village to her house?” 

“I’d hope you’d have made sure she got home safe,” Robert said, but he had relented somewhat, seeing Ben’s point.

“It’s November, it’s freezing, I didn’t want to walk her home,” Ben said. “Oh, come on, relax a little.”

“Ben, you’re only sixteen,” Robert said.

“I know,” he said. “So… remind me what you were doing at sixteen?”

“I knew staying in this village was a mistake,” Robert said to himself. The villagers loved to gossip and there was no way he could hide his very coloured past, especially once Ben had been old enough to start paying attention.

“I’m going back to sleep,” Ben said. “If we’re done with the lecture?”

“Wasn’t really a lecture,” Robert said, but nodded, Aaron was the one who was going to get a lecture. It was rare on a Sunday to see Ben before midday anyway. It only took five minutes for Aaron to reappear, looking more sheepish than Robert had seen in years.

“Sorry,” he grumbled.

“Aaron, you can’t run away whenever the conversation gets a little bit awkward,” Robert said harshly. “There’s bound to be a lot more awkwardness before he goes to Uni, you know that.”

“You had it covered,” Aaron said with a shrug. He always tried to avoid the uncomfortable conversations.

“Aaron… I can’t do this by myself, parent him alone. And I don’t want to, either, I need you.”

“I know,” Aaron said with a sigh, looking down. “I hate to think he’s growing up, though. Plus you have a lot more experience with women than I do,” Robert didn’t laugh, but he did soften a little bit, closing the gap between them, putting his hands around Aaron‘s waist.

“Next time, don’t walk out and leave it all to me,” Robert said.

“You’re right,” Aaron admitted. “I won’t. It’s… childish of me to keep walking out.”

Robert felt glad they’d come to an agreement and kissed him gently. This was Ben‘s first girlfriend and he knew there‘d most likely be more uncomfortable occasions, probably very soon. “Think Ben was lying?”

“No,” Aaron said, knowing Robert meant about the girl. “Ben doesn’t lie, you know that.”

“Give him time,” Robert said. Aaron rolled his eyes but he didn’t argue. Robert kissed him again, before letting him go. “You off then?” Aaron nodded. He’d gotten in the habit of going down the pub early, to help Chas with the deliveries, getting the barrels into the cellar for her. It was also good to see his mother from time to time, now that he was wrapped up in his family life with Robert.

“See you later,” Aaron said, kissing him again before leaving the house, Robert smiling after him.


	3. Chapter 3

“I thought they were asleep,” Laura said on the phone. “How much grief did you get?”

“Oh, not too much,” Ben said easily. “You didn’t fancy sneaking out the window?”

“It’s on the second floor,” Laura said. “I didn’t want a broken ankle thanks very much.” Ben laughed at her. “Want to meet up tomorrow after school?”

“Er… I can’t,” Ben said, lying through his teeth. “I’m sort of grounded after this morning.”

“Wow, didn’t know your folks were that uptight,” Laura said in surprise.

“Listen, I’ll call you later,” Ben said, seeing Aaron listening in. Ben disconnected the phone and closed his eyes.

“Er… I don’t remember grounding you,” Aaron said lightly.

“Don’t want to see her tomorrow,” Ben admitted. “I’m busy.”

“I’m going to regret this, but… busy doing what?” Aaron asked. Ben shrugged, the way he did when he was avoiding telling the truth, or embarrassed about something. He got up off the sofa, intending to leave, but Aaron wasn’t having it. He knew Robert was speaking sense this morning, he couldn’t leave Robert with all the difficult jobs because he felt uncomfortable. When Aaron blocked Ben’s exit, he looked at his father in surprise. Aaron usually wanted the easy life, this was more Robert‘s territory.

“Talk,” Aaron said, his face firm.

“I’m kinda… seeing someone else tomorrow,” Ben said. “Don’t nag.”

“Ben, you know…” Aaron started, exasperated.

“I’m not hiding it,” Ben interrupted. “They both know there’s someone else. This isn’t like with you and dad.”

“Ben… you can’t use people…”

“It’s not up for discussion. It’s my life, and I’m not sleeping with either of them, so what’s the problem?” Ben said, cutting him off. He pushed past Aaron to go to his bedroom and Aaron sighed. That hadn’t gone well. But at least he hadn’t avoided the issue completely.

* * *

 

“I spoke with Ben this afternoon,” Aaron said, laying in bed, watching as Robert undressed.

“Oh?” Robert asked, half filled with hope, half concern.

“He’s seeing someone else.”

“That was fast,” Robert said, getting into bed next to Aaron. “He got rid of Laura already? She was only here this morning.”

“No,” Aaron said heavily. Robert frowned, then his expression cleared.

“So he’s got two at the same time?” Robert asked. “Oh God. What did he say?”

“Basically to keep my nose out,” Aaron said. “I tried to tell him this isn’t how you treat people, but…”

“Our history won’t be helping, will it?” Robert said, pulling Aaron into his arms, needing the contact, the touch.

“No, I don’t think so,” Aaron said, enjoying the warmth of Robert’s skin against his body. “I don’t actually think I helped, but I least I didn’t run out.”

“Baby steps,” Robert said. “He’s sixteen, there won’t be any talking him out of it anyway. He‘ll do what he wants to.”

“It’ll come crashing down though,” Aaron said.

“I know,” Robert agreed. “But it’ll be something he has to find out the hard way.” Aaron pulled back, frowning at Robert. “What?”

“When did you start channelling Vic’s wisdom?” Aaron asked. Robert laughed into Aaron’s neck before kissing him gently.

“Have you ever cheated on me?” Aaron asked.

“Woah, where did that come from?” Robert asked, backing off and looking at Aaron in complete shock.

“We’ve been married a long time,” Aaron said, speaking calmly, making sure to keep his voice level. “And Benjamin is so like you, I wondered if he was almost… I don’t know, copying you maybe. I was only asking. Forget it.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Robert asked, deeply hurt that Aaron had felt the need to ask that.

“Yes, I trust you,” Aaron said honestly. “And I’m not meaning lately, I’m meaning… since I blew the affair to Chrissie. Have you not been tempted? That’s all I’m asking.”

“Aaron, being tempted and doing something about it are two different things,” Robert said. “Have I looked at other men and wanted them at some point in the last twenty years? Yes, of course I have, I’m no saint. But have I done anything about it? No. I wouldn’t. Since… I got over losing Chrissie, and stopped being so stubborn about lying about how I felt for you… I’ve always had too much to lose with you. I’m actually hurt you’d believe it of me.”

“No,” Aaron said. “It’s just… I’ve been thinking about Ben, with two different girls all day, and I guess it’s leaked out to you. Sorry.”

“Have you been with other men?” Robert asked, wondering if that was where the doubt stemmed from.

“I can’t,” Aaron said simply. “You know everything about me, all of my history and… once I’d been with you and been so open, not hiding anything, and you accepted me as I am… I can’t go back to letting a stranger touch me. So no.”

“Can we get off this subject?” Robert asked. “I would never cheat on you. Plus I know your body so well, what turns you on, if I got in bed with someone else I wouldn’t know what to do with them.” Aaron laughed briefly, but it broke the tension which had been Robert‘s goal. “I love you,” Robert said, pulling him into a kiss. “I know lots of things change, but that won’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said. “Ben worries me.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s like you.”

“He isn’t,” Robert said. “It’s a front he likes to put on. Underneath he’s more sensitive, like you.”

“Shall we not argue about this now?” Aaron said. “I’m tired.”

“Sleep,” Robert urged.

“Love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments on this so far. Really hope I don't disappoint! x


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey dad, can I borrow this?”

“Where did you find that old thing?” Aaron asked, smiling at Robert’s black leather jacket, the one that brought back an awful lot of memories for him.

“Back of the wardrobe, dumped at the bottom,” Ben said. “Can I have it or not?”

“It’s not mine,” Aaron said. “But I don’t think Robert would mind. You trying to impress someone?”

“Maybe,” Ben said, putting the jacket on. Aaron felt his heart lurch, seeing his son in Robert’s leather jacket was so strange, but almost right at the same time. Robert had stopped wearing it when he said he felt too old. Now it was vintage, and clearly back in fashion. “I’ll be back by ten, okay?” he said. Aaron nodded briefly.

“Call if you’re going to be late,” he said urgently.

“I know the drill,” Ben said.

“Do we get a name?” Aaron called after Ben. He just shrugged his shoulders as he walked past Robert who was just coming home, Robert gaping after him.

“Is he wearing…”

“Yep.”

“God, that takes me back,” Robert said, staring after his son before collapsing on the sofa. “That’s so weird, seeing him in that.”

“Wait for mums reaction if she sees him,” Aaron said, making Robert laugh. “She’ll be dreading another Sugden to cause trouble in her life, might give her a heart attack.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Robert said. “You know she spoils him.”

“Mm,” Aaron said, grinning at him, before joining him on the sofa.

“Oh, it’s like that is it?” Robert asked.

“House to ourselves,” Aaron said. Things were just getting heated when the phone rang. Aaron sighed, stretching himself across Robert’s body to answer it.

“What?” he said rudely.

“Hi, Aaron,” Liv’s familiar voice said. “Got a minute?”

“You’re a hundred miles away and you still find a way to interrupt us,” Aaron said in disbelief.

“Hi Liv,” Robert said loudly so she could hear him.

“Interrupt?” she asked, frowning. “Oh, I was… Call me back when you’re done or… whatever.”

“Is everything all right?” Aaron asked, though she sounded normal.

“Yeah,” she said. “I was honestly just checking in. Nothing important. Get back to… bye.” Liv hung up and Aaron smiled.

“She can still take a hint, that girl.”

“That “girl” is in her thirties,” Robert reminded him. 

“Don’t,” Aaron said. “Reminds me how old we are.”

“Speak for yourself,” Robert said. “And I don’t want to talk about her right now.” Aaron couldn’t agree more.

* * *

 

It was two days later when Aaron opened his front door, and dearly wished his husband had come home first. He stood, watching the sofa where a teenage boy suddenly jumped off of Ben, clearly obvious what they‘d been doing. Aaron stood in silence and a little bit of shock as the stranger almost raced towards the door, fumbling with his shirt.

“Jamie, wait,” Ben said urgently, staring after him. The door slammed loudly and Ben groaned as he collapsed against the sofa, rubbing a hand over his face. “You’ve got great timing, you know that?” he said to Aaron, staring at the ceiling.

“Ben, what are you doing?” Aaron asked bluntly.

“Apparently having a ruined afternoon,” Ben said.

“If you don’t want to be interrupted, don’t meet someone here,” Aaron said simply.

“He wouldn’t meet me in public,” Ben said, sighing.

“Do you need to talk?” Aaron asked, privately hoping it was a no. He didn’t know how to cope with this.

“Dad, there is nothing wrong with me experimenting,” Ben said, using his bluster to try and avoid it. “I don’t need to talk.” He got up, heading upstairs before Aaron stopped him, holdin his arm gently.

“Would you prefer it if you talked to Robert instead of me?” Aaron asked.

“Dad, I’m fine,” he said, calmer this time. “I really don’t need the advice bit, okay?” Aaron still looked worried. “Promise.” Ben left, going upstairs leaving Aaron with the desperate urge for a drink. So much so that he text Robert, telling him to meet him in the Woolpack. He needed a pint.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for the encouragement and wonderful comments! Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much!

Robert found Aaron in the pub, sitting in the corner almost bent over his pint, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He thought about it for a moment, then kissed his husband hello, softly and slowly. Aaron would never be a fan of PDA, but Robert felt the need to touch him, especially with that look on his face.

“Hey,” Aaron said quietly as Robert sat down opposite him.

“What’s wrong?” Robert asked without preamble.

“Ben.”

“I knew that, I meant more specifically,” Robert said.

“I came home to find…” Aaron took another breath. “A boy called Jamie apparently, getting really cosy with Ben on our sofa.”

“You what?” Robert said, face going blank and Aaron simply looked at him. “You’re having me on.”

“Nope,” Aaron said.

“You have to be, this is some kind of payback, right?” Robert asked.

“Think I’d wait twenty years for that?” Aaron asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh, God,” Robert said. “What did you say?”

“Not much.”

“Aaron…”

“No, I mean, I wanted to talk, but he wasn’t having it,” Aaron said. “I didn’t walk out, you were right the other day. But I think him talking to you will help.”

“Why? Because I’m the expert on cheating?” Robert asked, at unfortunately the same moment Chas brought his pint over. His mother in law stared at him critically, before turning her eyes to Aaron, who was trying to hold in his laughter with difficulty. Chas saw the humour in Aaron’s eyes and didn’t take it too seriously as she went back behind the bar.

“No,” Aaron said. “Because you’re a bit more laid back than I am. And he isn’t talking to me, so…”

“Okay,” Robert said. “I’ll have a word, but… don’t hold your breath that anything will come of it.”

“Okay,” Aaron said, forcing a smile.

* * *

 

Robert knocked on Ben’s bedroom door and poked his head in. Ben took off his headphones and looked at Robert, eyes wide. “Dad told you?”

“It came up in conversation, yeah,” Robert said.

“Please don’t lecture me.”

“How about we have a conversation instead,” Robert said, sitting next to Ben on the bed.

“Yeah, all right,” he said, still looking at Robert warily. Before he could even get started, Ben began talking.

"I’m not embarrassed that I was caught kissing a guy, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Being bisexual is okay, and I’m not even saying that‘s what I am, I don't need a label, I’m just having fun.”

“I know that,” Robert said. “And I’m so pleased you think that it’s okay. Because it is.”

“Well, we don’t all wait til we’re thirty.”

“I can still ground you,” Robert said, making Ben smile at him, the atmosphere lightening a lot.

“I get… I sometimes feel like dad… Aaron is judging me.”

“Aaron will have more of a problem with the fact you’ve got two relationships at the same time. He won’t care that it’s a girl and a guy, he will that they’re overlapping. Aaron‘s more black and white than I am. I get it, Ben. I do.”

“Take it easy,” Ben said. “It’s nothing, just a bit of fun. No one’s getting hurt.”

“Someone always gets hurt,” Robert said quietly.

“God, you’re so old,” Ben said, shaking his head. “I’m not hiding it, they both know there’s someone else.”

“Aaron knew there was someone else,” Robert said quietly. “He knew right from the beginning, and I hurt him so badly. He hated sharing me. It might not be you, but someone will get hurt, trust me on that.”

“It’s not the same,” Ben said, shaking his head. “It’s not all serious and it won’t end with a happy ever after, like you two did.”

“Try to listen to me,” Robert urged. “I know I’m old and past it, but… you’re playing a dangerous game.”

“Would that have stopped you?” Ben asked. 

“No,” Robert said honestly. The danger had been part of the attraction. “Whatever happens, I want you to know you can talk to me. Or Aaron, always. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, backing down. “I know that, dad. I’m… I know what I’m doing.” Robert bit his tongue from saying he had no clue, that he was far too young because it wouldn’t help. Instead he gave Ben a hug. Both he and Aaron knew this would go wrong, they’d try to be here for him when it did.


	6. Chapter 6

 

“I’m going out.”

“Where?” Robert asked, both of them looking at Ben.

“Up to the farm,” Ben said. Aaron narrowed his eyes in question. “Well, Jamie won’t come here after _someone_ walked in on us.”

“Er… it’s my house,” Aaron said.

“Our house,” Robert corrected.

“Anyway…” Ben said, shrugging it off. “No one comes near the outbuildings anyway.”

“Not in November they don’t,” Robert said, remembering as his eyes caught Aaron’s.

“December,” Aaron corrected with a grin.

“Okay, I really don’t want to know,” Ben said, looking between the two of them. “I’m going to be late.”

“How’re you getting there?” Robert asked

“Walking,” Ben said with a shrug.

“That’s at least a mile, nearer two,” Robert said, but Ben wasn’t phased.

“It’ll take me half an hour,” Ben said, zipping up his… well, Robert’s leather jacket. “I think you’re getting soft in your old age.” Aaron laughed at that. “And as I don’t have a car…”

“Sixteen, Ben,” Aaron said. “Got another year to go yet.”

“You see cars everyday at the scrap yard,” Ben said. “Couldn’t throw one my way?”

“They’re all knackered,” Aaron said. “You’re certainly not driving around in one of those.”

“An argument for another time,” Robert said. “Go. Have fun.”

“Within reason,” Aaron grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben said. “I’ll call, if I’m going to be really late.”

“Fine,” Robert said. They both watched as he left the house.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Aaron said.

“What, why?”

“Meeting in barns doesn’t end well.”

“Oh, I beg to disagree,” Robert said, smiling easily at him, leaning close and kissing Aaron deeply. “Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine.”

“I can’t help worrying,” Aaron said, though he smiled, knowing Robert was right. “Come on. Let’s go to the pub, see if Vic wants to cook for us.”

“Sounds perfect.”

* * *

 

Ben bit his bottom lip as he waited for Jamie to appear, stood by the window on the second floor of the shed, trying to see if he was approaching. He was five minutes late, and Jamie was never late. He was almost always annoyingly early. Ben got his phone out to text him a simple “where are you?” when a noise downstairs caught his attention. The message sent anyway as he pocketed his phone, smiling as he heard footsteps.

“Laura, what are you doing here?” he asked.

“Expecting someone else?”

“Yes,” he said honestly.

“Be more careful who you send your texts to, then,” she said nastily. This wasn’t like her and Ben frowned.

“What’s wrong with you?” Ben closed the gap between them and held her face firmly. Her pupils had blown black, and she didn’t look right, flinching away from his gaze, trying to loosen his grip on her face. “What’ve you taken?”

“Oh, like you care!” she spat at him. “Or maybe my name needs to be Jamie before you give a toss about me.”

“You knew there was someone else,” Ben said quietly, trying to keep calm. Shouting wouldn’t help. “You knew I was seeing someone else.”

“Yeah, but a man?!”

“Oh, so that’s the issue?” Ben asked. “Why does it matter?”

“Why does it matter!” she almost screamed. “How can you chose him over me?”

“I wasn’t choosing anyone,” Ben said. “Look, you need to go home and get sober from whatever you’ve snorted.”

“I’m sober plenty thanks,” she said. Ben suddenly backed up as this five foot nothing waif of a girl started punching him, hitting him, anything she could reach. The shock was why it took Ben a few extra seconds to restrain her, stop her whacking him.

“Calm down you stupid…”

“Don’t call me stupid!” Laura said. “Or maybe I am, going anywhere near you.”

“Right,” Ben said firmly. He reached into her jeans pocket, searching for her phone.

“Get your hands off me!”

“No, give me a minute,” Ben said, eventually finding it in spite of her wriggling.

“What’re you doing?”

“Calling your mum,” Ben said, scrolling through her contacts. “Tell her to come and pick you up, get you away from me and let you sleep it off, in that order.”

“Don’t you bloody dare,” Laura said. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would,” Ben said. “I will. Why haven’t you got mum in your phone?”

“She is, she’s under the witch,” Laura said. “Please, Ben, don't. She’ll kill me.”

He paused at the desperation in her voice. “What have you taken?”

“I don’t really know,” she said. “Made me feel better. Made me see sense.”

“Sense like what?”

“I can’t let you get away with this,” Laura said, her voice turning nasty again. “You’ve made a complete fool of me!”

“No one knows, Laws,” Ben said.

“Don’t call me that!” she hissed. “And how stupid are you, the whole school knows!”

“How?” Ben asked, freezing.

“Lucy saw you behind the sports hall this morning. She’s a gossip, Ben.”

“Oh, my God,” Ben said. He didn’t particularly care if it got out, people said enough rubbish about him because he had two fathers, but he knew Jamie would care. Jamie was struggling emotionally, not wanting people to know he liked guys. His parents weren’t exactly supportive. "I need to call him."

“You see! I tell you all this, and you’re more concerned for him! Are you screwing him?”

“No!”

“But you would say that, wouldn’t you?” Laura said. “People are laughing at me! You know, I could have gone for anyone, and like an idiot I picked you. D’you know what people are saying about me?”

“So you go and get high?” Ben asked. “Feel better do you?”

“I will in five minutes.” Ben’s heart stopped. She was playing with a lighter, flicking it on, then off. When sober, he didn’t really believe she’d do it, but she wasn’t thinking clearly. And the barn was filled with straw, even without petrol or anything, it would go up in seconds.

“Laws, put that down,” Ben said.

“Oh… now I have your attention. Good.”

“Laura, you don’t want to do this, come on put it down. I won’t call your mum. You can sleep it off and things‘ll go back to normal”

“Give me my phone back,” Laura said. Ben threw it to her, hoping she’d fumble it and he’d be able to distract her fiddling with the lighter. No such luck as she caught it neatly, even when high. “Netball,” she said with a smirk, reading his face. “You know, I don’t think you’ve ever been this quiet. Scared?”

“Yes,” Ben admitted. “Yes, you are scaring me.”

“Good.” Laura. "You need to be taught a lesson."

"Laws..." She dropped the lighter and the straw caught fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the chapter I'm really really nervous about!! Hope it reads okay, and thank you for making it this far! I know the majority of this chapter is the conversation between Ben and Laura, two original characters, so I hope I've not bored anyone! x


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the encouragement on this!! Really means the world to me, and keeps me writing! Hope you enjoy this chapter too. x

“You stupid cow!” Ben shouted, trying to stamp on the growing embers, but it’d caught hold too quickly. He could do it all he liked, but he knew it wouldn’t be enough. He had to get down the stairs and get out of there. He tried, but Laura held him back.

“No, you don’t get out of this that easy!”

“You realise this is bad, right?” Ben said. “This fire could kill you too?” At the same time Ben realised he didn’t have the time for arguing. He got his phone out, calling for the fire service at the same time as he tried to struggle out of Laura’s grasp. God, she was much stronger than she looked. After the operator said she’d located Ben’s GPS on his phone, Ben hung up. Then he called Robert, but it rang and rang, taking up time, so much precious time before it went through to voicemail. “Dad, I need help,” he started. “I’m up at the farm and I’ve got a big problem. Please call me. I…. I love you, and dad, Aaron I mean. Okay, bye.”

“What’re you doing?!” Laura screamed.

“I’m not going to just stand here while you try to burn me alive!” Ben pushed past her and went to the window, the stairs already being cut off. Damn, that had happened quickly, hearing the rotten wood crumble away, the stairs cracking. The wood in the window had warped from age and even pushing against it hard, he couldn’t get it open. What was a glass window doing in an old shed in the first place? He smashed the glass, ignoring the cuts on his hand as Laura tried to stop him, screaming and grabbing at him to stop. Ben had a moment that he paused, the instinct being that he shouldn’t hit a woman, but then common sense caught up to him. He didn’t want to die in this fire and there wasn’t any time. So he did hit her, just to stop her. Ben managed to get his hands on the window frame and push it out. His hands stung like mad but he’d deal with that later. Laura had turned to a weeping whining mess, pulling at his jeans and Ben knew he couldn’t leave her there.

“Get up,” he said, losing patience, as he heard sirens approaching. That was fast, clearly the fire brigade had been somewhere nearby. There was nothing of her so it wasn’t much of a challenge to push her out of the hollow space that used to be a window.

“I’ll break my leg!”

“I don’t care,” Ben said succinctly. “Let go.” He gave her a push, thinking she’d prefer a broken leg to dying from smoke inhalation. His own lungs felt like they were burning, sweat running down his face from the heat of the flames. Fear was starting to fade into pure terror now, and he knew he didn’t have much time as he coughed, the choking feeling not fading away at all.  
He was small enough - just - that he could get out of the window, though a remaining shard of glass dragged against his side as he did so. He hissed in pain before allowing himself to drop to the ground, the distance further than he’d thought. A sharp pain went through his ankle as he landed awkwardly but after a few seconds he realised it wasn’t broken, only sprained. Then he stopped thinking as the fireball went up, roof collapsing only feet behind him. He could feel the heat on his face and knew he had to get away from that building before it was too late. He got up, stumbling away from the shed, gripping his side in pain.

“Ben!” He heard the shout and saw Robert and uncle Cain sprawled on the ground, both staring at him. Before he was really aware of it, his father crushed him in a massive hug, sending a spasm of pain through his left side, but he didn’t care. “Oh, Ben, thank God.”

“I’m okay,” he whispered into Robert’s chest. “A bit singed but okay. Where’s dad?” he added, pulling back from Robert, eyes darting around the scene in front of him.

“He’s in there,” Robert said, nodding towards the burning shed, voice breaking.

“You… he’s where?” Ben said, face paling.

“He’s looking for you,” Robert said. They both stared at the burning building, knowing Aaron wouldn’t willingly come out empty handed. He would feel like a failure, and he’d rather die trying to find his son. They both knew that.

A paramedic approached them and Robert pushed Ben away from him slightly. “Get checked out,” Robert said.

“No, I can’t leave,” he said, still staring at the burning building, eyes wide with fear.

“Aaron will be fine,” Robert said, though he didn’t believe it. “You need to take care of yourself. Go.” Robert kissed the top of Ben’s head and the paramedics led him to he waiting ambulance. Leaving Robert silently crying as he watched the flames get higher and higher.

The minutes dragged on and on, waiting as hope faded. It must have only been five minutes later, though it felt like an eternity to Robert when a fireman carried out the huddled shape of his husband, laying him out on the grass. He didn’t look as though he was breathing and Robert hurried to him, pressing his fingers to Aaron’s neck, begging for a pulse. He'd never felt such pure relief when he found one.

“Aaron, come on, please,” Robert begged. He let himself be pushed out of the way while the paramedics worked on him, but clutched at Aaron’s hand. It was his left, and Robert couldn’t stop himself from stroking Aaron’s wedding ring gently. He had to be okay, he just had to be. Ben would never forgive himself if something happened to Aaron. Neither would Robert.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments on this. Hope it doesn't disappoint! x

Robert sat in the waiting room, hoping for news on Aaron, which didn’t seem to be forthcoming. He pinched the bridge of his nose, folding his head so he ended up looking at his knees, trying to stay calm. He could smell the smoke, the burning caught in his lungs, even as he tried to replace it with the chemical scents of a hospital. Ben would be fine, he was alert and didn’t seem to have suffered too much, though he did need stitches on his right side, which is what was happening now as Robert waited for news on his husband. The last Robert had known in the ambulance, Aaron had had an oxygen mask firmly attached to him as he kept slipping in and out of consciousness. He hadn’t opened his eyes once on the journey to the hospital and Robert tried to pretend that was okay.

“Mr Sugden?”

“Yeah?” he asked, looking up to see a police officer.

“We want to talk to your son about the fire,” the officer said. “On first impressions it seems to be arson, but he needs a parent before we talk to him. Would you…?”

“Yeah,” Robert said, getting up. “Course.” Before he left the waiting room, he talked to the receptionist, making absolutely sure she’d find him with any news about Aaron. He clearly must have been convincing because she seemed to agree almost instantly. He followed the police officer to a room where Ben was lying on a hospital bed, having stitches on his chest. But he smiled when he saw Robert. “You okay?” Robert asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Completely numbed, can’t feel it,” he added, looking at his right side where the glass had dragged against him, the doctor stitching him up in silence. “How’s dad?”

Robert shook his head. “No news. They’ll find me as soon as there is.”

“We want to know what happened,” the police officer said darkly. Ben looked at Robert for guidance but Robert nodded. So Ben told them.

* * *

 

Ben looked exhausted after going through it all again, but the officer nodded when he’d finished, leaving them alone. The doctor had just about finished stitching him up. “It will scar,” she warned. “It’s deep.”

“Okay,” Ben said. “Am I done? Can I go home?”

“Yeah,” the doctor said. “Want to see you in a couple of weeks though, for a follow up.”

“Sure,” Robert said. “He’ll be here. Won’t you?” he added, a hard note in his voice. Ben nodded, putting his ripped and blood stained shirt back on, wincing as the fabric brushed against his wound. “We should get you home,” Robert said. “You look knackered.”

“I’m not going anywhere until dad’s awake,” Ben said. Robert wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders and went in search of news. It didn’t take long until a doctor found them, smiling tightly at them.

“Aaron Sugden?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “He’s my husband. Is he okay?”

“We’ve got him on oxygen at the moment, and he’s stable. But,” the doctor added heavily. “He was unconscious for an unknown period of time. We don’t know what his brain function will be. He was starved of oxygen for a while, so there could be…”

“Brain damage?” Robert interrupted. The doctor nodded.

“We’ll only know when he wakes up, though. It’s up to him.”

“Well… how bad?” Robert asked, very aware that Ben was listening to him.

“We won’t know,” the doctor said. “I don’t want to give you false hope.”

“Is he going to get out of here?” Robert asked, feeling dread fill him.

“I’ll be able to tell you more when he wakes up,” the doctor said unhelpfully, avoiding the question. “Do you want to see him?”

“Yes,” Ben said urgently, as Robert seemed momentarily speechless. They followed him to find Aaron lying on a hospital bed, seemingly asleep but a mask over his face.

“This is all my fault,” Ben said, shaking his head as he looked at Aaron. “This is all my fault!”

“Hey, don’t,” Robert said, hugging his son. “You didn’t set the fire. You didn’t make him run in after you.”

“No, but I’ve been such an idiot,” Ben said, very near tears. “If he… if he…”

“Hey,” Robert said, focusing on his son right now. “Yes, you’ve not been a perfect angel lately, but it isn’t your fault. I’d have run into that burning building too, because we love you.”

“What stopped you?” Ben asked before he thought the words through.

“Cain stopped me,” Robert admitted. “I just looked at the barn on fire and I froze. My mother died in a fire like that. I was younger than you are and… seeing that, knowing you were in there scared me so much.”

“But he looks…” Ben started, staring at Aaron.

“I know,” Robert said, feeling his voice wobble. “You should go home.” Ben’s gaze flicked between his two parents.

“I can’t.”

“You can,” Robert said. “I’ll sit here with him and I’ll call you if anything changes.”

“Promise?” Ben said, still looking pale.

“Course I will,” Robert said, smiling tightly at his husband. “Like I could leave his side anyway.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben said. “If it wasn’t for me…”

“Don’t you dare,” Robert said. “You want to know something about your father? Even if he doesn’t wake up…” Robert swallowed, fighting against that image before trying again. “If he doesn’t wake up, I can guarantee he’d do it again, to try to save you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’ve been married to him for a very long time,” Robert said. “He’d do anything to protect the people he loves. I do know that, Ben. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that your phone keeps ringing.”

“It’s Jamie,” Ben said, still not picking it up.

“Go and talk to him,” Robert said. “But go straight home, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere else,” Ben said fervently. He gave Aaron an awkward hug over the hospital machines before straightening up.

“You want money for the taxi?”

“No,” Ben said. “My wallet managed to survive, so… See you at home?”

“I don’t know,” Robert said, looking at Aaron. “I want to sit with him, so I might be here all night.”

“Will you call me? If anything changes?”

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Take _care_ ,” he added. Ben nodded, picking his phone up as he left the room. Robert turned to Aaron, sitting by him and taking his hand in both of his own.

“Okay, it’s just you and me now,” Robert said, stroking his palm gently. “I’ll be here as long as you need to wake up, okay? Our son’s safe. I think he’s a bit scared, which probably won’t do him any harm in the long run, but he’s safe. And if he doesn’t go straight home, I’ll skin him alive.” Robert let out a rueful smile at that, knowing that Aaron knew he didn’t mean it. “What is it with the Sugdens and fire, eh? I’ll be patient, Aaron. I’ll wait for you to wake up when you’re ready, but you have to promise me you will. Okay? Good.” Robert kissed the back of Aaron’s hand and sat, waiting.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave you in suspense for too long! Thank you so much for the support on this one, so glad you like Ben as much as I do!

“How is he?” Robert found himself being jerked awake by Chas’s concerned voice.

“Oh, God, sorry,” Robert said. “I should have called you, I didn’t even think.”

“It’s okay,” Chas said with a casualness that Robert had earned the hard way over the last twenty years, knowing that Robert and Ben always came first in Aaron‘s life now. “I’m sure you’re more concerned for him.”

“They don’t know what his brain function will be when he wakes up,” Robert said as Chas took her seat on Aaron’s other side, grabbing his hand. “Starved of oxygen, so… he might not even talk.”

“It won’t be that bad,” Chas said.

“I don’t think blind optimism works here,” Robert said.

“No, but I know how stubborn he is,” Chas said. “He won’t let a little thing like lack of air bother him.” Robert let out a tiny smile. “Have you been here all night?”

“Yeah, “ Robert said. “I can’t leave him.”

“Go home,” Chas said. “Take a shower, get some sleep. I’ll stay with him.”

“No, I can’t leave him,” Robert said, more out of loyalty to Aaron than feeling like he was doing anything good for him right now.

“I’ll stay with him,” Chas said. “Ben will need you if…” _If this goes badly_ was left unsaid, but Robert heard it clear as day.

“Okay,” Robert said. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you, all my worry has been for him.”

“I’m not thrilled,” Chas said. “But I understand.”

“When did you get so reasonable?”

“Old age,” she quipped. Robert looked at Aaron and kissed his forehead gently.

“I’ll be back soon,” he promised. “Thanks,” he added to Chas. She smiled at him tightly as Robert left, looking at her immobile son.

“He really wants you to wake up,” Chas said, squeezing Aaron‘s hand. “So do I. I can then give you a lecture from your long suffering mother about why you don’t run into burning buildings, hmm?”

* * *

 

Robert got home, feeling incredibly tired and very dirty. He didn’t know if it was mental or not, but he could smell smoke on himself and he needed a shower. He wouldn’t risk a sleep, that would involve him being away from the hospital for too long. However, Robert stopped seeing a teenage boy on the sofa who was most definitely not Ben.

“Er… hi,” Robert said. The boy jumped up, blanket thrown aside from where he’d clearly been sleeping. “Are you Jamie?” With Ben, anything was possible after all.

“Yeah,” he said. “I needed somewhere to stay.”

“Your parents know where you are?”

“They don’t care,” Jamie said darkly as Ben appeared, obviously hearing voices from the living room.

“Of course they care,” Robert said.

“Dad…”

“My father called me a perverted disgrace,” Jamie said. “I can’t go back there. Not yet, anyway.” Robert felt a brief twinge of sympathy for him, but it was completely eclipsed by his worry for Aaron. He didn’t have much to spare for anything else.

“I said he could stay here,” Ben said, biting his bottom lip in a way very reminiscent of Aaron.

“Okay,” Robert said. “But your mum knows where you are,” he said, speaking to Jamie. “She will be worried about you.”

“She doesn’t care…” Jamie started.

“Call her,” Robert said. “I mean it, parents worry. And they will have calmed down.” Jamie didn’t look convinced. “You’re not a pyromaniac are you?” Robert asked.

“Er… no,” Jamie said, clearly shy and nervous, eyes darting around everywhere.

“Then it’s fine,” Robert said. “Hope you have better taste this time,” he added to Ben.

“Are you going back to the hospital?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, he’s still not awake,” Robert said. “I’m going to have a shower, grab a change of clothes and head back.

“I’ll come with you, I want to see dad.”

“Okay. Give me half an hour to get changed.”

“Dad?” Robert looked at him. “I’m so sorry. I never meant…”

“I know you didn’t,” Robert said, giving him a hug. “I know. So does Aaron.”

“You think that‘s true?”

“I know it‘s true,” Robert said. “Let me have a shower, okay?” Ben nodded, letting go of his father.

* * *

 

“Hi,” Robert said to his mother in law when he entered the room. “The masks gone.”

“Yeah, they say he’s breathing on his own, he doesn’t need it any more,” Chas said. “Hi,” she added, forcing a smile at Benjamin.

“Do they think he’s waking up soon?” Ben asked.

“Yeah,” Chas said, surprising Robert.

“Why didn’t you call?”

“I knew you’d be back soon,” she said. “And he’s not so much as twitched.” Robert leaned over him and kissed him very gently before sitting down.

“I’m so sorry,” Ben said, eyes darting between his parents and Chas. “This is… all my fault.”

“How about we go and get some lunch,” Chas said, forcing a smile and realising Robert would want some alone time with Aaron. “Spend some time with your gran.”

“Okay,” he said. Ben looked really young at the moment, and Robert knew it was the worry.

“Hey,” Robert said to Ben, half his attention on Chas, who‘d paused by Aaron, touching his hand gently. “Me and you, we’ll be okay,” he said firmly. “Whatever happens.” Ben forced a smile before leaving the room, his eyes hesitating on Aaron.

“Come on,” Chas said, half pulling him out of the room. Once alone with Aaron, Robert took up his usual spot and grabbed his hand.

“I need you to talk to me,” Robert said. “I might have just lied to our boy. I want it to be okay, but I don’t know how we’ll make it without you.”

Aaron groaned very quietly, Robert’s attention shifted so it was completely on his face. “Do that again.” Not quite, but Aaron definitely made a noise.

“Say a word,” Robert begged, his palm to Aaron‘s face softly. “Please, say anything to me, you can do this.”

“Mm..shchmpf”

“No, don’t do this,” Robert said, trying to stay calm as his heart fell through the floor. “I need you to say something, now concentrate. For me.” More incomprehensible muttering. Robert kept Aaron’s face between his palms. “No, your beautiful brain works. Come on, just one word.”

“n… en…n…” Robert saw Aaron swallowing, then trying again. “Ben…”

“He’s fine,” Robert said, face breaking into a smile of pure relief. “He got out of the fire, he’s fine. Scared, but okay.”

“…good…” Aaron said. “You?” He was breathing very heavily and he still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“Don’t worry about me,” Robert said. “Indestructible, me.”

“Mm…”

“Aaron, can you do me a favour?”

“What?”

“I need you to look at me. Please open your eyes, I’ve been here for ages.”

“Hang on.” Aaron felt like it took a supreme effort to open his eyes, but he eventually managed to flicker his eyelids open, to see Robert’s relieved smile. “Oh, you look like hell.”

“I could have lost my whole world,” Robert said, voice breaking. “Yeah, I probably do look bad. Oh, you’re okay. Oh God.”

“I scared you?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “You really, _really_ scared me. Don’t ever do that again.”

“I’ll try not to,” Aaron said, his voice slurring slightly, the words slipping a little. It seemed to be costing him a lot of effort to speak. “Ben’s really okay? You’re not lying to me?”

“His boyfriend Jamie slept on our sofa last night,” Robert said, making Aaron smile.

“I’m tired. And I can taste smoke.”

“I bet you can,” Robert said. “What were you thinking?”

“I had to help him,” Aaron said, eyes half closed. “I didn’t even think.”

“Next time, think first.”

“Yeah, yeah, how about a kiss before you have a go at me?” Aaron said. Robert grinned, doing exactly what he asked.

* * *

 

“How’s he doing?” Cain asked, outside Aaron‘s hospital room.

“He’s awake,” Ben said with a smile before returning his gaze to the window, watching his parents.

“You could go in,” Cain said, looking at the expression on Ben’s face, but he shook his head.

“I don’t want to interrupt,” Ben said, looking at his parents. They weren’t being intimate, apart from holding hands they weren’t even touching, but it was that look in their eyes. Ben could only see Robert from the window, but he could see… almost the devotion in his father’s eyes, the affection, the clear love between them.

“I didn’t like him,” Cain said. “Robert. I thought he wasn’t good enough for Aaron by a long stretch.”

“Why?” Ben asked curiously. Cain just shrugged so Ben carried on looking at them. “I don’t know how they do it. After so long, they clearly love each other so much, and…” Ben tailed off.

“I don’t get it either,” Cain said. “You need to thank your lucky stars you got them as your parents, you do know that don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “That I know.”

“Go in, they’d want to see you,” Cain said. “Aaron ran into a burning building for you. Robert would have too if I hadn’t stopped him.”

“Why did you stop him?” Ben asked.

“I would have stopped Aaron if I’d been quick enough,” Cain said. “I thought it was suicide. I thought you were already gone and there was nothing they could do about it.”

“Thanks Cain,” Ben said sarcastically as the older man patted him on the back.

“Go in,” Cain said. “He risked his life for you, he’d want to see you.”

“Yeah,” Ben said, moving to open the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the last chapter, I'm not sure whether to do one more to tie it all up! Thank you so much for reading this! 
> 
> EDIT: Thinking about it, this is the last chapter. Thank you all so much, I can't say that enough. Also, my writing speed is going to have to slow down. This last month I've done nothing but work and write! Thanks again. x

“Should I feel offended that he didn’t even show?” Aaron asked as he slowly zipped his hoodie up. He’d been discharged, and was getting dressed in clothes Robert had brought for him. With one noticeable absence. Ben had appeared after Aaron had woken up, said hi and promptly vanished. 

“He’s feeling guilty,” Robert said.

“It’s not his fault,” Aaron said.

“I know that,” Robert said. “Clearly takes things to heart like you do.”

Aaron shook his head, feeling very hurt. “I…” Aaron stopped.

“You all right?” Robert asked, concerned. 

“Let’s go home,” Aaron said. “He can’t hide from me forever.”

“Come here.” Robert pulled him into a tight hug. “It’s so good to hold you again.” Aaron smiled into his shoulder. It felt good for him too.

* * *

 

They opened the front door and Aaron sat on the sofa, feeling tired. “Tea?” Robert suggested, making Aaron nod. “Ben!” Robert shouted.

There was a loud noise of Ben racing down the stairs. “What?” he asked. Robert nodded to the sofa. “Oh. You’re home.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “You not pleased to see me?” he added coldly.

“No, I am,” he said, shoulders rising in an almost defensive stance.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Aaron asked bluntly. “What’ve I done to deserve that?”

“Dad, you’re slurring your words a little,” Ben said concerned.

“I know,” Aaron said. “If you’d bothered to stick around at the hospital, you’d find out why.” Ben’s eyes flicked to Robert with worry.

“It’ll wear off,” Robert said. “It won’t be forever.”

“Yeah, I get to sound permanently drunk for the next few weeks,” Aaron said, sitting on the sofa. “It’s the lack of oxygen while I was trapped. Apparently I’m lucky to still be able to speak at all.”

“But you’re alive,” Robert reminded him. "And it will wear off, the doctors said so." Both men locked eyes, Ben realising this was all his fault. If he hadn’t been so bloody stupid!

“I’m so sorry,” Ben said, trying not to cry.

“Hey, come with me,” Aaron said, guessing his son needed some time to get his head around this. “Come on.” Robert didn’t interrupt them, Aaron’s hand on Ben’s shoulder as they left the house. “I want to talk to you.” Ben let Aaron lead him, watching as Aaron unlocked his car getting into the drivers seat.

“Are you sure you should be driving?” Ben told him as they got into the car. “You’ve just come out of hospital.”

“No, I shouldn’t,” Aaron said, starting the car anyway. He didn’t drive far, just to the nearby field. If he did crash the car, the most damage he’d do would be to the hedge. “Now. Talk,” Aaron said, wanting some alone time with Ben, driving around in pointless circles in the field. Ben couldn’t run away from him in a car.

“You warned me,” Ben said. “Dad warned me, you did, and I knew it was… exciting with both of them but I never thought it would end like that. If I‘d known, I’d never had…”

“I know,” Aaron said. “And believe me, I get how exciting it can be.”

“Yeah, right,” Ben said sarcastically.

“Robert… he was dangerous when I met him. Definitely part of the attraction.” Ben wrinkled his nose, not wanting to think of his parents like that.

“I blame myself. How could I not see it?” Ben said, shaking his head.

“What, Laura being on cocaine? Or her being unstable enough that setting a fire seemed like a good idea?” Aaron asked.

“How could I not see that I was hurting people?” Ben asked. “I hurt them both, I basically outed Jamie and…” Ben sighed heavily.

“The fire isn’t down to you,“ Aaron said. “Neither is the fact that I ran in after you. Even if it was your fault - which it wasn’t - I’d still forgive you,” Aaron said. “And I’d still run in there after you. Nothing comes close to the fear I’ve got of losing you.”

“What about dad?”

“I don’t want to lose him either,” Aaron said. “But Robert’s capable of taking care of himself. I still remember you as a baby.”

“Daaad,” Ben said, rolling his eyes and pretending to be embarrassed.

“I do,” Aaron said. “When we were finally allowed to hold you in the hospital, you were so small. Robert barely needed both hands to carry you.”

“There’s not many photos,” Ben said. He’d looked for them when he’d met his birth mother a few months ago and could only find one from the hospital.

“No, there aren’t,” Aaron said. “At the start, we were too scared. Then when we realised you would probably be okay, we just wanted you home. Get on with life.”

“Do you ever wish you got a different child? One who didn’t cause all this mayhem, start fires and all that rubbish?”

“No!” Aaron said, shocked. “Of course not! You’re _ours_ , don’t ever doubt that. I wished it had been easier,” Aaron admitted. “I wished you weren’t in critical care, but never for that. And Ben? Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” Aaron stopped the car and held the keys out to Ben, making him look blankly at his father. “You wanted to learn to drive, right?” His face broke out into a nervous smile.

“Dad said not until I’m seventeen.”

“Ah, well the only damage you’ll cause here is running over a couple of rabbits,” Aaron teased. “I thought you wanted to drive,” he said, still holding the keys.

“I do!” he said quickly.

“Ben, don’t let this change you,” Aaron said quietly. “Laura needed help, which she’s now getting. But I would hate to lose the cheeky son I have. I love you.”

“Love you too, dad,” Ben said, hugging his father across the car. “Now move so I can have a go!” he said eagerly. Aaron laughed at the enthusiasm in his eyes, swapping seats with his son.


End file.
